Juicy J’s Lean Cuisines

January 18, 2013 7 comments

Juicy J Lean Cuisine

Since the dawn of time, Lean Cuisine has been the official corporate sponsor of lonely office lunches at cubicles everywhere. However, in an attempt to appeal to a younger demographic and hook ’em young, Lean Cuisine has established a strategic partnership with none other than ex Three 6 Mafia front man Juicious James IV. To be honest, I’m really surprised this didn’t happen sooner. It just makes great fiscal sense.

Mostly Junkfood was sent an exclusive first look at the new LEAN Cuisine Collection by Juicy J

Psilocybin Mushroom Pizza

Shroom Pizza
A new twist on an old, magical favorite. Red sauce. Four cheese blend.

Special Herb Stuffed Chicken

Herb Roast Chicken
Lotta people don’t know this, but you can put weed in there (a chicken breast). Juicy J knows this, and so he did.

MDMA-Crusted Trippy Sea Bass with Basil

MDMA Sea Bass
The menthol aroma of the basil really accentuates the empathogenic properties of the MDMA. The wild-caught Chilean Sea Bass filet comes encased in a crunchy black, hallucinogenic batter that is somehow still super fluffy. Plus, before slaughter, every sea bass gets molly powder hand-rubbed into its gills personally by Juicy J. The fact the sea bass is high/horny as fuck moments before its death takes this dish to the next level!

Stripper Sweat-Marinated Chicken with a Glitter-Moscato-Lemon Reduction

Stripper Lemon Chicken
Drake, a student of Guy Fieri, actually helped with this one. It tastes like pain and regret and auto-erotic asphyxiation.

A Big Ass Fucking Bowl Of Organic Codeine Mac & Beef

Organic Codeine Mac & Beef
Comes in a double styrofoam soup bowl with cave aged Sprite cheese. Vegan friendly.

Ingredients: Codeine, Promethazine, High Fructose Corn Syrup, Corn Syrup, Low Fructose Corn Syrup, Liquid Sugar (Sugar Water), Guar Gum, Cherry Juice (From Concentrate) Natural and Artificial Flavors, Beet Juice (For Color), Essence of Nayvadius Cash, Locust Bean Gum, Ascorbic Acid, Leftover McRib Crumbs, Blue 1, Red 40, Yellow 5, Red 3, Yellow 6.

General Tso Mini-Shrimp

General Tso Mini-Shrimp
Serving size: enough to get eyedynepoinin’.

Looks like this collection is a great option for if you are looking to shed some poundage before SXSW. Head ON down to your local Super Target and pick a couple of these up. And, if for some reason these don’t help you slowly lose weight over the course of 10 years, you can always get some cosmetic surgery. Lap bandz a make her dance.

Bauce Sauce

Artwork by: Dan