March 27, 2012 1 comment
“Would you like to be the person You’d Like To Be? Would you like to be the person I’d Like To Be?”
Man, I’ve OD’ed on positivity. Between the mass consumption of Lil B; a budding interest in the mental health field; and quitting my social justice job due to a philosophical difference wherein they wanted me to work long hours and I wanted to focus on myself as a holistic, spiritual being; I’ve been exceptionally interested in opportunities to experience loving-kindness and increasingly disinterested in any sort of negative gossip or judgmental chatter. Wow, that weird shit is actually what my life is like. Where was I? Right. So I’m off in the clouds, working on my debut new age rap post-rap album, and I’m feeling so damn positive that I don’t know who I am anymore. I didn’t even know I was craving some shit to rip to sheds and make fun of until I saw that Occupy Wall Street was gearing up for a rap battle against the police. Now THIS was some shit that I knew I was going to hate! I couldn’t wait to make fun of it on the internet and get in touch with my true self! And, perhaps most excitingly, issue An Amazing Challenge!
Before I get to The Challenge, a challenge which you can take up as your own if you Ever Wanted To Do Something Awesome and win the accolades from the Twitter Rap Joke Community (and potentially become a real live meme), you need to know a few things.
What You Need To Know:
NYC Occupiers will be gathering in Union Square on Friday, March 30th at 11:45PM. (You don’t have much time. Read quickly.)At this point, the 99% will be challenging “The Army of the 1% (aka the NYPD)” (Editors Note: aka members of the 99%, including my childhood friend Malik, who is a dedicated public servant) to a Fucking Rap Battle.
“Got beef with the cops for enforcing a system of racist economic inequality?” (Editors Note: “Are you maybe, I dunno, White? Is anything really holding you back from appropriating hip-hop culture?”)
“The contestant” (because Rap Is A Game Show, I guess) will begin by “requesting a beatbox from the crowd,” at which point the most annoying person in the crowd will emerge and start to make sounds with his mouth by spitting on people. In my experience, this person will continue to make sounds by spitting on people long after the battle is over; in fact this person will continue to do this inappropriately throughout the rest of his or her life. Tommy World Peace Tip: Watch out for this member of The Other 1%!
Next, some rapping will ensue. My best guess is these raps will be written, so you’re going to want to bring some ammo yourself and not go into it in the actual Off The Top spirit of rap. (Until the battle, myself and others will be tweeting with the hashtag #OnePercentRaps so that you don’t have to do all of the writing on your own. Keep checking up on this during your creative process for ideas.) After the Occupier has finished rapping, you will be given 10 seconds to respond. If you don’t respond, the win will be chalked up to Occupy. It is of paramount importance that you present yourself within 10 seconds! From there, you’re going to want to have a boombox with the instrumental to “Good Times (I Get High)” by Styles P (if you bring a beatboxer you are automatically disqualified). I have this beat so hit me up on Twitter and I’ll get it to you.
Body that beat! Become Who You Were Always Destined To Be!
Are you interested in self-actualization? Are you an art student looking for the project of a lifetime? Are you unemployed? Are you currently hallucinating? Are you a true MJF Soldier? I’m talking directly to you, and all of you, right now. Your task has been given. On a rare note of seriousness, you’re going to want to be sympathetic to the Occupy movement (and if you haven’t already volunteered for what is admittedly an incredible movement, start doing that in your free time A$AP), so your punchlines don’t need to be mean spirited. If you want to throw a few privilege-jabs in a spirit that isn’t exactly pure that’s your own decision to make, but let’s try to keep things in perspective that you aren’t trying to tear down Occupy– you’re just trying to Do Something Really Awesome.
What You Can Win:
If you really need an extrinsic reward for Doing Something Awesome (I challenge you to do some soul searching before Friday night), here is what you can expect:
1) As aforementioned, you are firstly entitled to widespread praise from the Twitter Rap Joke Community. This is a gift that will keep on giving.
2) A weed donut that “I” will “send to you in the mail.”
3) A Mostly Junk Food post all about you and what a cool person you are, alongside video footage of what you did. (Capture that shit! Bring some friends!)
4) An autographed copy of my debut album Things Come Together, tentatively hitting the internet on 4/20.
5) Reimbursement for your cop outfit — …JK!!! Get creative. Use your noodle, dummy!
If You Don’t Live in NYC, Remember:
From now until Friday at 11:45, tweet your #OnePercentRaps with the hashtag.
In closing, here’s a video of a rapper you may know. In it, he shows how much rapping you would generally want to do within the sphere of activism in our admittedly unfortunate culture of irony, which I am of course currently perpetuating.
Finally finally, if you want more information, here’s the Facebook link that Occupy put up: https://www.facebook.com/events/373581626007714/